Firsts: 21

Having wine on hand in my tiny studio apartment makes me feel quite grown-up. He invited me out to dinner to celebrate my graduation, and I invited him over ostensibly to help me make a dent in the excessive amount of wine I’ve bought. He acts like a father figure but I know that he wants to fuck me, and for the first time I feel the power of being desired. The power of having and being something that someone else wants viscerally.

It’s summer and I suggest we take the wine out to the chairs on the fire escape. I kick off my sandals, put my feet up on the railing, and gather up my long skirt so my calves and knees and most of my thighs are exposed. I can feel his eyes on me.

We talk and drink and I laugh and flirt and scoot my chair closer to his when I come back out from grabbing another bottle of wine. I pile my humid curls on top of my head and put my head on his shoulder when he tries to point out a constellation that he’s wrong about the location of. He’s babbling, and I don’t think he really believes this is happening.

Eventually I stand up, step in front of him, and lean down, resting my hands on the arms of his plastic chair. I know he can see right down the tank top I’m wearing, can see my breasts straining against the cotton bra I wear when it’s so hot I don’t want to wear a bra at all.

After staring at him until he looks up, I ask him if he wants to go inside.


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