Firsts: 15

He’s pimple-faced and gangly, but he’s my first real boyfriend and the first boy I kiss who is taller than me. I tell my mom I’m out walking the dog for hours but really I’m meeting him at the elementary school near my house, the one I went to for years. I went door-to-door and sold the chocolate and wrapping paper that paid for the new playground equipment we fool around on at dusk, when all the kids and teachers have gone home.

This evening he’s pushing me on the swings and I’m pumping my legs until he says “Stop, and hold on!” He grabs the chains holding up the swing and brings me to a stop, both of us out of breath from exertion and laughing and teenage horniness. He steps between my legs, pushing them apart, and kisses me on my neck. I can feel his breath on my ear.

I feel a strange sensation, like my period starting, but when I get home there’s no blood. I realize years later this moment is the first time someone ever made me so aroused that I soaked my panties in an instant.


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