Guilty!

The other day a couple was visiting me in my home. Visitors are very rare indeed. To say that I am no social butterfly is an understatement of mega proportions. I’m almost a frigging hermit except for an occasional tryst. Those are rare too.

I mentioned a fellow who lives a couple of hours south of me who says he wants to be my Sub. One of them, the lady visitor, asked if he had come up here to Ocklawaha to visit. I lied. I said yes he has twice come.

I hate lies and liars. Now I am one. I do think that there are times when a lie is a good thing. No one should ever tell a cruel truth. If it is going to hurt someone be silent, and if pressed, a lie may be the kinder thing. But, I have no excuse for the lie I told.

I don’t pardon myself at all, and I do not take it lightly, but I understand why. They are wonderful together. I had just been through a bit of an emotional upheaval, and I envied the love they have for each other. I envied her. Right now I don’t know which was worse, the lie or the envy. I am deeply ashamed of both. Of course I will set the record straight promptly.

Anyhow, that fellow who says he wants to be my Sub is 6’3″ and I am only 5’6″. Even if distance weren’t a problem height sure is. What am I supposed to do, wag my finger up at him as he’s standing over me? I think if I even seriously tried I would get tickled and bust out laughing!

After the thrill of experiencing bondage as a Sub the other day I don’t feel the interest in being a Domme that I did before. One thing I have found to be true about this lifestyle in the brief time I’ve been involved is that there are surprises at every turn. As one of my favorite poets (can’t think of his name right now) says in his poem, Thirty Bob A Week, “…the seas are deeper than tureens…”***. I have yet to plumb the depths.

The lying, and the envy, indicate a need for introspection. It will have to be dealt with.

 

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