Confusion.. Decisions and Kink life vs Reality

I am a drifter, a wanderer, an old troubadour of sorts.

If you know anything about being a troubadour and you know anything about me, then you know that I do not sing well.

I love to sing, I love making my own songs but I do not sing well.

I love to write, however not so sure the Grammar Nazi’s would appreciate my words.
A writer, I am not. But I write a lot.

One of my best friends is a grammar Nazi. If she saw my writings it would send her into seizures.

(Sorry, bunny trail) but getting back to my point, I love making my own song. I am ever growing and changing.

Well, same goes for my decision making skills I suck. I saw a meme once that closely resembles me. It said,
“My decision making skills resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street. ”

I want (not need) someone to help me make those decisions. I’m a Pisces- a water sign. I need someone who can bring me back down to earth but yet still laugh at me and my craziness.

5 years ago a huge dynamic changed in my life.

My grandmother (who raised me) passed away.
She was my security net.

Run out of gas, no worries gramma will fill your tank.
Need food, go to grammas.
Heart broken..go to gramma.

In that same year my 2 youngest children left for college, and I got a divorce from someone I have known since I was 15.
My best friend was my husband and also my lifeline when the rest of my world would fall apart. It was devastating to me not being able to run to him when WE fell apart.
I lost a parental figure, gained an empty nest and went through a divorce.

I have always had a husband or family member in my life holding me up, catching me when I stumbled (Up until now, I have never fallen on my face concerning my well being). There has always been someone to catch me when I fall.. A security Blanket. I’ve never been homeless, Never gone Hungry and never had to Struggle beyond being a single parent raising 4 kids.
However, I had to learn how to Become independent, strong and to take care of myself. I’m doing it, like everything else in my life; not well but I am doing it.

that’s the year I started to play in a bigger “bdsm playground”. I was told it was just a phase. It is just a midlife crisis…uhh nope it was something I kept hidden for years and I was bound and determined to become a path of destruction and mayhem.
Instead, I discovered a beautiful strong Woman that had so much more to offer.

What I did discover was that I am a social butterfly. I like Having people around. I like feeling emotion and caring and pleasing people. Call me crazy, call me co dependent or whatever; but I like helping people.

I have enjoyed traveling with work. Not having responsibilities of children, husband or significant other. I enjoy giving my time (non kink stuff I wont bore you with) but now for the first time volunteering hasn’t filled that hole.

For the first time I am not working full time and not so busy. I didn’t realize that with work, it was keeping me distracted from being alone or from noticing the empty nest or even the fact that my entire life these past 5 years has been a hurricane of chaos.

I have made friends in the last town I worked, AAHHmazing fet friends. Some I talk to on a daily basis. I came to my current town with the plan of not staying.

I brought 4 sets of clothes.

Well, for some reason I listened to my fet friend who said, join the local group while your there.

I met more AAHHmazing people. A couple of not so great ones but easy enough to filter out. But for the first time in five years I can’t make up my mind!!

For the first time in 5 years I felt almost secure, there is a possibility of some great poly relationships here, some security and stability which I am craving like a fat kid craves cake.. But now my time has expired and I need to decide. In order to be anywhere, I need work, a place to live. If I cant find either I move up north 3 hours from here and start again (I have a place to stay there).

Or I go back down south and try again. I have great friends in Midland /Odessa but no where to live. I can find temp housing for a couple of weeks but nothing steady. Although I have a couple of job offers there but complications I won’t go into at the moment. Nowhere has any one thing to keep me in that one spot. Until Recently, This week has been a blast. I should have just stayed hermit mode cause then I wouldn’t feel so torn about leaving behind the awesomeness in the process of occurring.

A few friends have made suggestions but I am not one to ASK
no way in hell am I going there. NOPE, Cause I’m sure if I did, this person would run as far and fast as they could (I say this cause I feel the same way and that would be my reaction too!!) Scary how much I don’t want this new dynamic to change. I’m comfortable in it. Last thing I want to do is watch it run away screaming.



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Aalborg Denmark BDSM, Aarhus Denmark BDSM, Esbjerg Denmark BDSM, helsinki Finland BDSM, turku Finland BDSM, Tallinn Estonia BDSM, Riga Latvia BDSM, Warsaw Poland BDSM, Prague Czech Republic BDSM, Vienna Austria BDSM, Athens Greece BDSM,

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Winnipeg Canada BDSM, Madrid Spain BDSM, Bilbao Spain BDSM, Barcelona Spain BDSM, Valencie Spain BDSM, Sevilla Spain BDSM, Murcia Spain BDSM, Zaragoza Spain BDSM, Valladolid Spain BDSM, Coruna Spain BDSM, Palma Spain BDSM, Lisbon Portugal BDSM,

Faro Portugal BDSM, Porto Portugal BDSM, Geneva Switzerland BDSM, Bern Switzerland BDSM, Zurich Switzerland BDSM, Lugano Switzerland BDSM, Mesocco Switzerland BDSM, Davos Switzerland BDSM, Lausanne Switzerland BDSM, Basel Switzerland BDSM,

Turin Italy BDSM, Milan Italy BDSM, Bologna Italy BDSM, Bolzano Italy BDSM, Venice Italy BDSM, Parma Italy BDSM, Florence Italy BDSM, Ancona Italy BDSM, Pescara Italy BDSM, Rome Italy BDSM, Naples Italy BDSM, Verona Italy BDSM, Genoa Italy BDSM,

Bari Italy BDSM, Taranto Italy BDSM, Naples Italy BDSM, Sassari Italy BDSM, Messina Sicily BDSM, Palermo Sicily BDSM, Catania Sicily BDSM,


Aaron Bsn, Abbi Chalk, Ahmed Toubale, Aïla Lankaranian, Ali Finlay, Alio Flos, Antoine Runacher Vpe, Athene Xenia Aristocleous, Becca Hawkins, Bella D’Anzi, Caitlin Thomas, Caleb Ng, Camille Mercat, Charlotte Scott, Charlotte Sleet, Chloé Barthe, Dee Wasielewska, Domile Abelyte, Ella Joy Lawrence, Eva Lopez Eiro, Eve Bombole, Georgia Harris, Hassina Toubale, Hugo Prando, Jessamy Lelliott, Joely Thompson

Jpos Torres, Julie Naudet Crea, Kai Gittos, Kassem Toubale, Katie Lindsey Smith, Katya Smolko, Layla Daniel, Léa Toubale, Lee Beevers, Louise Henderson, Lucas Descause, Marie-eva Barclay, Mel Dodd, Mohamed Toubale, Nine Halimi, Noémie Beriye, Nolie Gaudesaboos, Oumaima El Idrissi, Pierrot Ducrot, Rémi Conte, Reuben Attia, Reuben Hunt, Skye de la Mare, Stephanie Kirk, Stephie Palmer, Tarek Toubale

Timothé Mercat, Viktorija Pociute, Yacine Toubale, Sinead Murdoch, Hortense Pl-Dn, Léa Coquelle, Tashana Elainé Judson-Saul, Rossella Bittichesu, Abhelaashan Easparanathan, Ashraf Uddin, AnneSophie Antas, Stephane Del Pérugia, Charli Beaumont, Lauradele Sorcelle, Vivian Buard, Rose Borel, Alice Dogruyol, Karim Eltayeb, Dany Acevedo, Eva Clairambaud, Lais Harumi, Meropi Stamna, Nadia Nuseibeh, Lottie Butler, Talia Laikin