We talk about triggers in play.
I have only one major trigger in play (involving my mouth)- that has been identified that is.
However, I admit that I have several relationship triggers that have shaped my difficulty in committing as well as how I respond to stress or hurt (whether legitimate or not) once I do commit to someone.
Past relationship traumas that we have allowed to carve fear in our hearts and minds. Whether it’s fear of abandonment (guilty right here), infidelity, abuse, or fear of being used for namesake or who you know or what you can offer (also guilty here)- whatever common or not so common trigger exists, we all have them.
It’s what we do with them that really matters and determines whether we open or close the doors to possibilities.
If we allow our triggers to dictate us, we live with closed hearts and refuse to truly let a person in. We don’t even give that person a real chance. I have been guilty of this.
We live with the logic of “you’re guilty until you prove innocent.”
That is dangerous logic. I have been on the receiving end of that logic and it flat out sucks, I know. Yet, I am guilty of using that logic too. It’s harmful, it leads us to assume the worse when handling delicate moments and we often misperceive the situation. We focus on clouded theories demonized by past relationships and events. Reality can even be skewed or at a minimum, we give unnecessary attention to the smallest of details and inflate the intentions or motives behind them.
We quit on people before we ever truly give them a chance.
It’s important, extremely important, to be self aware and know what things trigger emotions from past traumas. It’s vital that we make our partners aware of those things and communicate through those obstacles.
It’s beneficial to recognize that when you’re hurt or emotional for legitimate reasons, that past emotional triggers are at a higher risk of surfacing for trivial non-related things. It makes sense, you’re already hurt and vulnerable, you feel wronged, and maybe you have been wronged. Your feelings are real and accurate… until they are not. You look for anything that will allow you to put up your defenses as if the original real hurt wasn’t enough. We must not let triggers cloud the real issues.
Our legitimized hurt and pain does not give us a free pass to pull out everything from our past.
It’s also crucial that we don’t allow ourselves to fall back to triggers, nor to use them to assign guilt on a person when that guilt isn’t truly there. We can not let triggers excuse our actions or emotions. I too have been guilty of this.
And what if we are on the other side of these triggers? What if it’s our partners being triggered and consequently projecting it onto us? We should try to understand our partners but not let them succumb to these fears set off by the past. We should make an effort to be mindful but we should not be entirely delicate in our handling. Should these triggers get set off, we must not sugar coat it nor allow our partners to focus on their past wounds. Let us not immediately quit on them but let us tough love them if necessary. Let’s call them out on their shit for lack of better wording. Remind them that we are not their past partners. We deserve a fair chance if we are going to remain in their lives. Make them recognize that growth is necessary. Healing is necessary. Let us give them a chance and be a part of that healing and growth. Let us continue to love even if with toughness.
For the triggered- there must also be the desire for growth. We must be committed to conquering our fears and letting go of past pain. We must be willing to try to keep triggers at bay or rid of them entirely.
I have a desire and motivation to grow here. I recognize my past relationship traumas and the demons that they have formed within me. I have faced them and at times, I have allowed them to conquer me and consequently I have either ran, or I have pushed away the people I care for most. I have even avoided relationships and commitments all together (2.5 years to be exact) because of fears.
It stops. I want to face them. I will hold myself accountable.
If we can make a commitment to grow and heal past these fears and past these demons- to give people the benefit of the doubt, then maybe- just maybe a person might surprise you and fill (or continue to fill) your heart with such happiness and fullness, that you won’t be able to recall why you had a trigger in the first place.
Oslo Norway Norway BDSM, Bergen Norway BDSM, Kristiansand Norway BDSM, Trondheim Norway BDSM, Stockholm Sweden BDSM, Malmo Sweden BDSM, Sundsvall Sweden BDSM, Gothenburg Sweden BDSM, Umea Sweden BDSM, Lulea Sweden BDSM, Copenhagen Denmark BDSM,
Aalborg Denmark BDSM, Aarhus Denmark BDSM, Esbjerg Denmark BDSM, helsinki Finland BDSM, turku Finland BDSM, Tallinn Estonia BDSM, Riga Latvia BDSM, Warsaw Poland BDSM, Prague Czech Republic BDSM, Vienna Austria BDSM, Athens Greece BDSM,
Cairo Egypt BDSM, Hamburg Germany BDSM, Hanover Germany BDSM, Cologne Germany BDSM, Frankfurt Germany BDSM, Munich Germany BDSM, Berlin Germany BDSM, Dresden Germany BDSM, Dortmund Germany BDSM, Leipzig Germany BDSM, Moscow Russia BDSM,
Saint Petersburg Russia BDSM, Abbotsford Canada BDSM, Burnaby Canada BDSM, Calgary Canada BDSM, Chilliwack Canada BDSM, Coquitlam Canada BDSM, Delta Canada BDSM, Hamilton Canada BDSM, London Canada BDSM, Maple Ridge Canada BDSM,
Mississauga Canada BDSM, Montreal Canada BDSM, Montreal Canada BDSM, Niagra Falls Canada BDSM, Ottawa Canada BDSM, Quebec City Canada BDSM, Richmond Canada BDSM, Surrey Canada BDSM, Toronto Canada BDSM, Vancouver Canada BDSM, West Vancouver Canada BDSM,
Winnipeg Canada BDSM, Madrid Spain BDSM, Bilbao Spain BDSM, Barcelona Spain BDSM, Valencie Spain BDSM, Sevilla Spain BDSM, Murcia Spain BDSM, Zaragoza Spain BDSM, Valladolid Spain BDSM, Coruna Spain BDSM, Palma Spain BDSM, Lisbon Portugal BDSM,
Faro Portugal BDSM, Porto Portugal BDSM, Geneva Switzerland BDSM, Bern Switzerland BDSM, Zurich Switzerland BDSM, Lugano Switzerland BDSM, Mesocco Switzerland BDSM, Davos Switzerland BDSM, Lausanne Switzerland BDSM, Basel Switzerland BDSM,
Turin Italy BDSM, Milan Italy BDSM, Bologna Italy BDSM, Bolzano Italy BDSM, Venice Italy BDSM, Parma Italy BDSM, Florence Italy BDSM, Ancona Italy BDSM, Pescara Italy BDSM, Rome Italy BDSM, Naples Italy BDSM, Verona Italy BDSM, Genoa Italy BDSM,
Bari Italy BDSM, Taranto Italy BDSM, Naples Italy BDSM, Sassari Italy BDSM, Messina Sicily BDSM, Palermo Sicily BDSM, Catania Sicily BDSM,
Aaron Bsn, Abbi Chalk, Ahmed Toubale, Aïla Lankaranian, Ali Finlay, Alio Flos, Antoine Runacher Vpe, Athene Xenia Aristocleous, Becca Hawkins, Bella D’Anzi, Caitlin Thomas, Caleb Ng, Camille Mercat, Charlotte Scott, Charlotte Sleet, Chloé Barthe, Dee Wasielewska, Domile Abelyte, Ella Joy Lawrence, Eva Lopez Eiro, Eve Bombole, Georgia Harris, Hassina Toubale, Hugo Prando, Jessamy Lelliott, Joely Thompson
Jpos Torres, Julie Naudet Crea, Kai Gittos, Kassem Toubale, Katie Lindsey Smith, Katya Smolko, Layla Daniel, Léa Toubale, Lee Beevers, Louise Henderson, Lucas Descause, Marie-eva Barclay, Mel Dodd, Mohamed Toubale, Nine Halimi, Noémie Beriye, Nolie Gaudesaboos, Oumaima El Idrissi, Pierrot Ducrot, Rémi Conte, Reuben Attia, Reuben Hunt, Skye de la Mare, Stephanie Kirk, Stephie Palmer, Tarek Toubale
Timothé Mercat, Viktorija Pociute, Yacine Toubale, Sinead Murdoch, Hortense Pl-Dn, Léa Coquelle, Tashana Elainé Judson-Saul, Rossella Bittichesu, Abhelaashan Easparanathan, Ashraf Uddin, AnneSophie Antas, Stephane Del Pérugia, Charli Beaumont, Lauradele Sorcelle, Vivian Buard, Rose Borel, Alice Dogruyol, Karim Eltayeb, Dany Acevedo, Eva Clairambaud, Lais Harumi, Meropi Stamna, Nadia Nuseibeh, Lottie Butler, Talia Laikin